Trust your instincts sounds like a hippie bumper sticker or, at worst, a motto Mulder would’ve muttered in his typical deadpan style in The X Files. But, it’s one of the real life lessons I’ve finally learnt so far this year.
Here’s what I’ve learnt: when it comes to all things to do with the minefield of relationships, your instincts will never lie to you or talk you down the wrong path. Fact. Admittedly, it’s often hard to see what your gut’s really telling you if you’re consumed with The Fear or are in the throes of blinding passion but if you listen, it’ll never see you wrong. As someone who’s luckless in love lately, I take a bit of comfort in my newfound knowledge that there’s one thing I can be sure of. Sticking with the X Files theme, if the truth really IS out there, chances are your instincts already told you about it a long time ago.
If only I’d learnt to listen a tiny bit sooner.
And here’s how I learnt my lesson: in a painful, cringeworthy, how-was-I-so-stupid? nutshell, I fell for a compulsive liar. Biggest sin of all was that somewhere deep down inside my misguided soul, I had niggling doubts about everything he said to me. He lied about stupid things but, even worse for me, was diabolically crap at covering his tracks when things just didn’t add up. I can also assure you that being with a liar is nowhere near as sexy as that Beyonce and Shakira tune.
The man could not lie straight in bed. And I had voluntarily let myself get played by Mr Pathological Lying.
Ok so nothing quite as bad as Anne Hathaway and her fake prince (or whatever that E! News story was) happened to me but I should add there’s A LOT I can’t write here that all adds up to a feeling of disgusting foolishness. I felt well and truly conned. But I’m not one to wallow (no, really).
The definition of madness is to keep doing the same thing but expecting different results so, as a men in white coats-phobe, I try to learn from my mistakes. In this case, my biggest mistake was wanting to believe the lies and doing an ostrich-like head in the sand act about the lying. I wanted to believe him when he lied about nonsensical things like where he was and who he was with or what he thought of certain people. I wanted to believe he was who he pretended to be. I was acting like a Disney princess and thinking the lies were my ‘kissing a frog’ style penance. I ignored the sinking, screaming, stabbing in the pit of my stomach with its flashing “LIAR! LIAR! YOU’RE GONNA GET HURT LISA!” signs. As a big believer in a no regrets policy to life, it pains me to say this was a major regret, most of all because I deserved better and ‘cos all the warning signs were there but Dickhead Lisa chose to lock her usual cynicism in the attic at the worst possible juncture.
Frenchy in Grease said “The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy” but, if your daddy’s otherwise engaged, make your gut instinct your second in command. Listen to your heart at all times, it’ll never let you down.
Besides, Would Roxette lie to you?